I just took a very serious (wink, wink) survey that revealed that I could, if confronted, successfully take on 16 five year olds in a fight.

The website, How Many Five  Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight, asks some hardhitting questions, like this one:

During the fight, would you feel morally comfortable picking up a child and using him/her as a weapon to throw at other children?

I think my score was boosted when I answered that one “yes.”

But before you condemn me for using a child as a weapon (I thought people only did that in divorces?) you have to understand my thought process.

I figure that I will never be in a fight with five year olds unless these particular five year olds are gangmembers.  And since I am strongly opposed to gang activity for any child under the age of nine, I would want to set them straight.  Or at least make sure they’re punished.

So I’d make an example out of those 16 children.  That way, other five year olds would think long and hard before trading their Osh Koshs for gang colors.

(As a side note, wouldn’t it be sad to see Osh Kosh or some other manufacturer start a line of toddler gang clothing?  That’s when we’ll know we’ve lost the battle against gangs.)